Wild Women of Wine Country

Today was the Wild Women of Wine Country 5K Run/Walk, so Mom and I woke up extra early this morning and drove down to South Coast Winery in Temecula, CA to meet up with Freida and her other recruits.

I was surprised by how many women (and a few men) showed up to participate. It looked like it could have been more than participated in the March for Babies in Riverside last weekend, but that could also be because there was less open space in this parking lot.



When I checked the weather last night, it said something like 67 degrees with a 65% chance of rain, but once again the sun came out for our walk. It was still a little on the cool side that early in the morning, but that was appreciated after we'd been huffing along for a bit.

I particularly enjoyed walking so close to (and sometimes between) the vines. With my home vines in mind, it was interesting to analyze the way they grow the vines.

The walk was fairly brief - once we got started it took less than an hour, so we were done by 8:30am. When we decided to stay and have breakfast, I realized just how brilliant it is for South Coast Winery to host this walk - not only is it good PR, it brings in a huge amount of business pretty early in the morning. At 9am, there was an hour wait for a table for breakfast. Women were everywhere - eating and shopping... and having mimosas at the bar.

Mom and I received coupons for 2-for-1 wine tasting, but decided to save them for a day when Dad and Bobby can join us. We'd had some mimosas, but felt it was a tad early to drink any more than that...

We Marched

I raised $160, and my team raised around $1,000. You can still donate - it's not too late!

Upcoming Charity Walks

A couple years ago, my good friend Freida participated in her local Susan G. Komen 3-Day, 60 mile walk. If my memory serves, she raised close to or just over $2,000, and started training months in advance. Like me, Freida worked in an office, and 60 miles would be quite a lot of walking for her. She blogged about the whole experience, and it was obvious that the experience was a spiritual one for her, as much as it was a charity event. I decided that the next time she participated, I hoped I could join her.

I don't know if she's doing the 3-Day again this November, but she is participating in two upcoming charity walks: The March for Dimes March for Babies (6 miles) on April 25th, and the Wild Women of Wine Country 5K Run/Walk on May 2nd. I've just signed up to join her on both of them.

I'm really not active enough, but Abbey and I usually walk around 2.5 miles when we go out, so I'm not too concerned about the 5K, and I think I can work up to 6 miles by next month. Who knows, maybe I can keep it up and work up to the 3-Day in November. (Bobby is convinced I can't do that much - said I should try 10 miles first.)

My fundraising goal for the two walks is $250 and $100 respectively. If you'd like to donate, you can donate to the March for Babies through the link on the left; unfortunately, there is no easy link for the Wild Women of Wine walk, but let me know if you'd like to donate.

Back in the Hole

So I just had to sign the paper that says I'm in the hole by 42 PTO hours.
I had actually ventured into positive territory in April - made it all the way up to 7 hours. Turns out I've used 12 days so far this year. I'm not sorry though. I'm glad I took the time off to stay home with Gma and my family, even if Mom's extended family drives me nuts at times.

In fact, some of the days were really nice. The week before Gma went into the hospital, I decided to stay home even though I didn't really need to. My Mom and aunt Lisa were there, so I didn't need to take care of Gma, but we had a lovely day. Bobby and I worked on the company for a couple hours in the back room, and then we spent most of the day on the back patio, watering the grass and plants, having a nice lunch, napping on the hammock. Very relaxing - like we were on vacation or something. I'm really sad that she is gone, but at the same time, I'm glad she suffered so little and was surrounded by her family (regardless of how quirky they all are), and I'm really glad I took the time off that I did to spend with her.

Goodbye

Gma died a little over an hour ago. Thankfully she was in relatively little pain. Jessica and Nathan made it out this morning (my Gpa told my mom no one should have to pay to come out, so he essentially bought their flight out), and yesterday all of her children were together for the first time in 20 years.

I called Jessica yesterday morning to tell her I didn't think Gma would make it through the day. She and Nathan then arranged to come out ASAP, with Mom's help. Yesterday the family also arranged for Gpa to come out from the nursing home (hired a transport). He was over for about an hour, and although she was very weak, she was lucid for our little party. After they took her back in the house, my aunt Marie came out to tell Gpa how glad she was that he was able to come out and he just broke down. I've never seen someone sob like that; it was incredibly heartbreaking. I looked into the house and saw all my cousins with swollen eyes, and it was all I could do to make it into the front yard before I broke.

Today she was in bed all day, but thanks to Mom and her diligent siblings, all were there to make her as comfortable as possible, and administer her morphine regularly to keep her from pain. She stopped breathing at 8:28pm.

I am sad to see her go, but I am eternally grateful that she did not suffer long, and that she was surrounded by so many people that loved her.

Terminal Anxiety

When I got home from the flood there was a big truck in my driveway. It looked familiar, and I'd even pegged it as my chiropractor's truck, but it seemed really strange that she would be over in the middle of a Saturday night. (My chiropractor is more than my chiropractor, she is also my mom's and Gma's chiropractor, and a family friend - she and my mom have been good friends since high school.)

When I made it inside, I learned why Nancy was there. Gma was experiencing terminal anxiety - she was afraid that if she went to sleep she wouldn't wake up. My mom and aunts would sit with her and convince her to lie down, but then she would immediately try to get back up, but she had become very weak.

Mom and The Aunts were doing everything they could to make her comfortable, talk to her, soothe her - but Mom was finally at a loss and called Nancy.

Gma has scoliosis, and has been seeing Nancy a couple times a week for years. They had become very close over the years, and Gma would have said that Nancy was one of her best friends.

Nancy was truly a calming force for everyone. She continued to just try making Gma as comfortable as possible, and acted as relief for Mom and The Aunts. When I got there, I sat up with everyone for a little while, but I realized there was nothing I could do to help, and guessed that someone would need to get some sleep so they were coherant in the morning. I told Mom that I trusted that she would wake me if she needed me for anything, and went to bed.

Finally, very late this morning, Gma was sitting up and just passed out with her head resting on Nancy's chest. She slept like that for about an hour, and after that they were able to get her to lie down and go to sleep.

This morning I woke up and tried to make sure everyone had soemthing to eat. It was a full house again, with all The Aunts and Uncles doing what they could.

The Cat Loves Her

After work yesterday I went to visit Gma in the hospital. She had just awakened from her 2nd two-hour nap of the day. They have her on Vicodin and some sleeping aids, so her dementia was full on. She made very little sense, and seemed very week. I said Lucas missed her, and told her the story. That stuck. When the nurse came in, she said, "The cat loves me, isn't that wonderful?" Again, when my aunt arrived, "The cat loves me." She's known him such a short time, but he has become very important to her. Mom was telling me she wishes she could bring the cat to the hospital.

Today was long and busy. Mom called with an update. Whether Gma can come home or not depends on whether or not she needs an IV. If she needs an IV, they are going to need to put her in a nursing home, so Mom went to talk to the folks at Gpa's nursing home. She broke down and started crying while she was there. She hadn't done that yet. I'm sure she's figuring that she'll be able to cry about it when it's over, but today it didn't want to wait. I talked to Bobby. Mom told him that Gma's kidneys are functioning at 15%, and her heart at about 20%. She probably only has a few weeks left in her.

Pet Connection

When we got home today, our cat Lucas was distraught. He would meow and go to Gma's door, meow, look at her bed, look at me, and meow. Likes he's demanding to know where she is and when she's coming home. Amazing how animals can find a way to relate something to you. A little tougher for me to answer him.

Disneyland Passes

This morning we picked up Emma at her great-grandparents' house in Garden Grove, and went straight to Disneyland. We don't usually go that early, so we're not used to waiting in a line to park, and then the lady at the ticket counter took for-ev-er to renew our three passes. And because she couldn't find Emma's account, she just created a new one for her, meaning we had to go into California Adventure to pick up our passes that were already being printed out, then go into Disneyland to have Emma's picture re-taken to make her pass. We picked up ours and decided we'd wait until later in the day to actually pick hers up. We'd already spent too much time on this as it was.

But then we let her get her face painted... so when we went to get her picture taken right before we left, they wouldn't do it. The guy just wrote on the ticket so she can get in another day to take her picture. I felt silly.


When we got home and had something to eat, my aunt came by. She had just come from the hospital. She said that morning Gma was so weak she was sure she was going to die that day, but the cardiologist came to see her, diagnosed her with congestive heart failure, started treating her for that, and now she was looking better. Turns out the swelling in her legs was blood pooling because her heart wasn't pumping it back up. They wanted to keep her for 4 more days. All my aunts and uncles are taking turns being at the hospital 24/7.

Busy Afternoon

Near the end of the work day, Bobby called. Could I leave early, drive to Stanton to pick up an order before they close at 5pm, then drive it down to the job site in Huntington Beach? He and his brother were going to finish up most of the install. So I left early (even though I'm about a day behind), and did just that. When I got there, Bobby said his car wouldn't start. He'd been listening to the radio and working, and suddenly it had just cut out.

Luckily, I always carry jumper cables. So we hook it up and... nothing. Still won't start.

I'll call AAA, have the car taken to the dealer, go with it and leave my car for Bobby while they work. Then I'll just have Mom pick me up.
So I look at my phone, and I have a missed call from Mom. I call AAA first, then call her back. I tell her I was going to call her, and noticed that she had called, then explain the situation and ask if she can come get me.

"Um... " (long pause)..."yeah."
Then she tells me why she called.
Gma's legs have been swelling for awhile now. Apparently people with her type of cancer often wind up dying of kidney failure, and her kidneys were operating at about 15%, so the doc had recently taken her off some drugs for her heart that have adverse effects on kidneys. The thinking was that her weak kidneys were allowing excess fluid to accumulate in her body. We were told to limit her fluid and sodium intake.

This morning Gma had complained that she was so swollen that it took her 45 minutes to find a pair of pants that would fit her. So my mom called the doctor's office, and asked what to do. The doc wasn't in, so they said to just go to the emergency room. When they got there, they got her an oxygen mask, and checked her in, but she wasn't actually seen for another 4 hours - they had two different 5-year-old children come in, both of which barely lived (one had been choking on a peice of food and was still choking when they got to the hospital; they wound up having to cut his throat open to get it out), so they were a little preoccupied. Gma was patient.

Once she finally saw the doctor, Mom explained her diagnosis and the situation. When the doctor left, the nurse asked Mom if she had a medical degree. She'd spent so much time trying to understand everything the doctor has been telling her so that she could relate it to her family, that she sounds like a doctor. The doctors wanted to keep her at the hospital for a few days. So yes, she could pick me up, but she was going right back to the hospital later.

(In making calls to the family to give the update, Mom talked to Rachel, and later said it seemed to dawn on Rachel why Mom had previously said it was too much responsibility for her. I think she realized then that she really wasn't ready for that, and really it was just that her pride was hurt.)

Back at the job site, Brian shows up and they are talking about the car, trying to see if they can figure out what is wrong. Bobby pulls out the owner's manual, "No way!" They tried jumping the car again, this time reading the directions, and... it works! Bobby joked that he felt like less of a man for having to read the directions.

I call AAA back to cancel the tow, and call Mom to let her know. Then I go to get some food for all of us, when Bobby calls again. They've cut a hole in a pipe and now they need to drain the system. They bust a pipe, can I drive home, pick up the hose and bring it back? Ugh. OK. Seemed like I did a lot of driving that day due to some poor planning.

Bizarre Episode

I've mentioned that my family is now taking turns staying at my house to watch Gma. She can't be alone now, and this is why:

Today, she was supposed to be taking a nap, and my cousin Rachel, who was there to watch her, decided to take one too. Well, Gma didn't take a nap - she started packing... for when it's time to go home. By the time she was caught, she'd packed up the whole linen closet, and a bunch of her bathroom and bedroom.

This is not the first time she thought that this wasn't home: she has referred to the house as a rental, told my aunt that she's only been here about 12 months, and Sunday morning she told me "This place is nice, but I hope they let me go home soon." I don't think she knew who I was when she told me that; she's always referred to my Gpa as 'grandpa' with me, never by his name - but this time she told me she wanted to go visit 'Jim' today because she hasn't seen him in weeks (it had been a day and a half). Also admitted that when she woke up she wasn't sure where she was, but then realized that she knew 'some of these people.' Really sucks knowing there is nothing you can do.

Sick

So I lost 10 pounds.... in about 5 days - though I've already gained like 4 back. Not from dieting or exercising or anything healthy like that... I was sick last week... Tuesday afternoon through Friday morning. It was really weird... I only had a fever Tuesday evening, but after that I couldn't eat anything, or drink anything... everything sounded repulsive. I got really dizzy when I stood up, and was really tired - slept all but about 5 hours on Thursday.

I left a little early from work on Tuesday, and I called the house on the way. I had been warned a few weeks ago to be really careful about getting sick. Gma's immune system is very weak, and if she gets sick, she'll die. I wanted to ask my mom what I should do - I'm sick, if I don't go home, where should I go? But I don't want to bring something home that kills Gma. She and Dad told me to just come home and stay away from Gma. I started crying when I got off the phone. I had tried so hard to stay away from everyone at the office that was coming in sick - which was a lot of people; one of the interns even had strep throat - and here I was, bringing it home anyway, really afraid I was bringing it to Gma. When I got in the house I went right to my room and went to bed.

She's really fragile now. It's so strange. She was only diagnosed in February of '06, and they were just starting treatment around this time last year. You would have thought she was fine. She's always been a bit quirky, but she was lucid and made sense and I would joke that she was in better shape than me - going to the gym at least 3 times a week. Now most of the things she says make no sense at all - like there are 3 or 4 trains of thought that were somehow jumbled, or if she is making sense, it's something she told me 5 or 10 minutes ago. And when she walks more than 6 feet, she's bracing herself on a chair or the couch or the wall. Getting out of bed has become an ordeal that leaves her panting, sitting there trying to catch her breath so she can put her shoes on.

It's amazing how exponentially worse she's getting. Just a month ago my aunt Lisa was still picking her up on Saturday mornings to go to the farmer's market and walk around the rose garden in Santa Monica. Life expectancy for someone with her type of cancer is 2-5 years after diagnosis, and for her age, it's much closer to the 2 year mark. Now they've qualified her for hospice care, meaning they estimate she has less than 6 months to live.

My mom has told her siblings that Gma can't be left alone anymore, and until they decide to sign her up for adult day care or hospice care, they are taking turns staying at the house. So far Mom has really carried the majority of the load, taking off large amounts of time or trying to work remotely. Wednesday was my uncle Kevin's first day shift. He has normally come by on weekends or for an hour or so in the evenings, and I don't think he'd been by in 2 weeks or so. Wednesday he realized how bad she is... I could see it hit him. My aunt Marie and her husband are coming out today and staying until Saturday... she hasn't been out for a few years and couldn't really afford it, but Mom used some frequent flyer miles to bring them out.

Last night Mom, Gma, and I played a game of Scrabble on the back patio, and after the first game Gma went to bed. Mom pulled out Gma's lab results and a Do Not Rececitate Gma had signed. They took her off all her meds, and now are just waiting it out. Mom had to try to explain it to Gma, and discuss with her the DNR and what it means. Gma signed it, but Mom said she's sure Gma doesn't even remember, and isn't sure if she knew what she was signing. Mom's pretty torn up about the whole thing; started crying when she was telling me.. And then she has to put on a hard face to inform her siblings and handle their reactions.

We've been letting Lucas (our cat) snif and lie about the back yard the last few days. It's been so lovely out that we've been hanging out on the porch (I slept in one of the sky chairs out there a good chunk of Wednesday), so we caved to his whining and let him wander. We know there is a hole in the fence, but he pretty much sticks to the yard. Well, last night Mom let him out because we were sitting playing Scrabble on the patio... he took off. Brat. I told Mom that Lucas is no longer allowed outside when it is dark out - it's harder to keep an eye on him, and I think he's more likely to want to explore outside the yard at that time.

I knew he'd come back... he always does, but Mom felt really bad and was really worried about him (kinda like I was the first time he left on me). I was just hoping he didn't get into too much trouble or bring back some fleas. This morning Bobby got up at 6am, and there he was at the back door. He came in, climbed up on our bed, and looked all depressed and tired. We think he might have gotten himself into a fight - he has little spots of blood on his fur and when we were petting him this morning some of his hair was falling out. Definitely not to where he needs to go to the vet or anything, but a little traumatized.

3-Day Breast Cancer Walk

A friend of mine is walking in a Susan G. Komen 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk in San Diego to raise money for breast cancer research. If you would like to contribute, or know anyone that would, you can make donations here - anything from $1 on up. Or if you feel like walking 60 miles in 3 days yourself, you could sign up here. If you felt the need to forward this on, I wouldn't mind a bit. I'm seriously considering participating next year, so I may be hitting you up again.

Realization

Mom took Gma to the doctor Monday. When they got back Gma comes in the back room and says (looking very confused), "So, apparently I have terminal cancer and I have a few more months and then that's it." Um... what do you say to that?

I checked with mom, the doctor said it could be a few months, it could be a year, they don't know. But the point is that Gma has finally understood that this thing is going to kill her, and likely sooner rather than later. Gma's mind is definitely going. The other day I found a half eaten banana in the silverware drawer and some cooked sweet potatoes in the cupboard with the coffee cups. Then I found her looking everywhere for her tea (the tea has been kept in the cupboard above the stove as long as I can remember).

I took her to Trader Joe's later that afternoon and she was acting unusual - she wanted to pay for my stuff too (she's always been very frugal), and then she wanted to go get some good ice cream (not the cheap kind, and she doesn't even eat ice cream). Just before we got home she said, "You know, I saved my money all my life because I was going to need it when I got older. If I've only got a few months to live then I might as well start spending it."

I told the story to our chiropractor/family friend, and we were talking about the stages of death and how it sounds like she's at the acceptance phase. She said that it's not that unreasonable to think she only has a few months. This particular cancer starts slow but accelerates quickly...

Mom is supposed to take Gma to Florida to visit my aunt, and to Michigan to visit my great aunt in May. She's loosing her mind over this whole thing. It's gotta suck telling your mom she's dying. Some days she's fine, but more and more often she's been visibly stressed out and snappy - mostly defensive (she was hungry the other day and that made it even worse). Between stress about taking all this time off to take Gma to all these appts, and the stress of trying to manage the life of a person who forgets 90% of the things you tell them...

An Unexpected Bonding

Yesterday I decided to stay home and play Scrabble with Gma rather than drive out to Norco with Bobby. Gma has been feeling really lonely lately, and I think she's going to bed earlier and earlier (used to be 10ish, now its close to 8) not because she's really tired, but because she's just plain bored. You can only watch so much TV before you feel like your head is going to cave in. Anyway, she whalloped me. We played three games, and each time her score went up and mine went down, but she ended up staying up until 10 with no problems.

Today Bobby called me at work to tell me that the pharmacy had called for Gma - she had forgotten to sign her check and they needed a new one. But she couldn't remember where the pharmacy is. He had to leave for work, but convinced her to wait until I got home from work and could take her to the pharmacy rather than try to get there herself. (What kind of clerk doesn't look at the check and make sure the amount is right and it's signed? Especially when it's over $2K!)

Bobby's friend Andy came over that afternoon. Bobby was stuck in traffic and knew Andy would get there well before him, so he called Gma to make sure she would be ok with Andy coming by before he got there. Gma and Andy wound up hanging out for about 30 minutes and I swear they are friends for life now. He later was able to tell me what he learned about her - he knows how many kids she has (broken down by gender), where they all live, that three of the girls are divorced and now with great guys, that she's sick.... He told her about loosing his mom to cancer a few years back (I want to say 8 years ago?). They bonded. When Bobby got there, he and Andy played guitar in the back room for about another half hour while Gma sat and listened, then the boys went to Guitar Center to play with more guitars.

When I got home I took Gma to the pharmacy and the whole drive there and back she gushed about how wonderful Andy is, and how much she loved listening to the two of them play. I swear she's in love with him. When the boys came home they brought in groceries for dinner and we grilled up some steaks. Gma had taken some Sudafed to try to kick this chest cold she's been fighting for a few weeks, and wound up going to bed earlier than she wanted - I think she would have stayed up and talked to them until Andy left.

Sick

I think I'm coming down with this chest cold that my mom and grandma and sister have been passing around, so I stayed home from work today. I need to take my Gma to the doctor this afternoon too, since we are going to have her stop driving - she got lost on her way home from my grandpa's nursing home on Saturday. She drives the same route every day, so it's not like she doesn't know where she is. Her eye doctor told her she really shouldn't be driving since she can't read the signs, and he limited her to going places she goes all the time and knows the routes to by heart. But I think that's coming to an end.

I feel really bad for my Gma. She's cooped up at home all day by herself (thankfully she and the cat have bonded, and he provides some company). She can't really go anywhere, she's lonely, her body hurts. Thursday she was at the doctor for 7 and a half hours, and the next day she couldn't make herself eat, so she lost 5 punds in 2 days. The doctor prescribed this medication that she is supposed to take in spurts (4 days in a row, and that's it), and it really messes with her - makes her very absent minded, etc. Well, Saturday she double dosed herself and made herself sick. Then my sister Jessica and her boyfriend came over for dinner and we'd opened a bottle of wine. My grandma isn't really supposed to drink because of the medication she's taking, but she loves wine and will sneak herself a half glass every now and then, as she did Saturday night. Then I see her pour another half glass... then later another half glass. I told her I was going to have to cut her off after that one. But I don't want to. I want her to drink wine and enjoy her life. I'm worried that fighting the cancer is decreasing her quality of life so much that it's not worth it. But that is her decision to make...

Ebony moved to Texas on Friday, and my Gma was pretty sad. I guess she told Bobby we weren't allowed to move out (he said her voice was cracking like she was going to cry). I cleaned that room and rearranged furniture, and moved furniture (like the toy box) from the back room and set up the room for Emma. The TV in Ebony's room is my grandma's so I set it up with our extra DVD player (so Emma has a TV in her room and we don't). It will be nice for when we have guests over too, cause now they won't have to sleep in the back room. Emma's going to be really stoked when she sees it.

Dream

Gma just found out that she's been having mild strokes for years. That seems to be what's causing her lapses in memory. I now am responsible for seperating her medications - she started a new medication and "forgot" the doctor had told her to stop the last one, so she started taking both... not good. Luckily they caught her early on, since she went back to the doctor the next day - if not she could have overdosed and killed herself.

It was strange - she was sitting at the dinner table with Bobby and I, telling us what the doctor said about her strokes, and that night I had a dream that really stressed me out. In my dream we were sitting at the table (just as we had been that night), and she had reached for something and strated shaking really badly. I asked if she was ok, and she fainted but woke right back up. Then she just looked off into the distance, and said, "I'm going to die." As if she were accepting it at that moment. I responded, "That's ok." as if I had also accepted. Then I started crying. That's when I woke up. It kinda stressed me out Wednesday. The company went golfing and out to dinner, but I couldn't shake it off.

Life is Good

Hmmm.... Life is GOOD. There are great bits and sucky bits I suppose, but overall, I'm very happy right now. Family is good, work is good, traffic sucks, I need a vacation.

Been with my boyfriend 6 months now. And strangely enough, I have MySpace to thank for it. I'd been looking for old high school friends on here and his was one of the names I'd looked up. We'd been friends back in the day but I hadn't seen him in like 7 years.

I seem to be hearing similar stories often enough though. Old friends reconnecting through this online community.

Not so good: My grandmas are sick. The one I was living with until recently was just diagnosed with cancer. I feel kinda bad. I just moved out, and now she's dealing with this. Luckily she had a friend move in with her, so she isn't alone. We had a scare with the other grandma recently when she had to go into the hospital for 10 days. She's still recovering, but she's to fiesty to be down for long. Stuff like this reminds you of how important people are to you.

My oldest nephew, who was born deaf, got a cochlear implant and is now adjusting to hearing. He went on his first trip to Disneyland.

My brother bought a house two-doors down from my parents. My dad keeps saying that one of us needs to buy the house in-between now so we can have a little half-block. And put gates between all the yards.... That would be a little strange, like I was living in a sitcom.

Seems to have been a changing of the guards at work. People come and people go, but few that were here when I started are still here. And I miss having a few of them around. Of 20 full time employees, only 6 have been here longer than me. And 4 of them are the owners. And I haven't really even been here this long.

A friend of mine just got married. Beautiful ceremony. I'm really happy for her. Feel like I've been to more baby and bridal showers this year than I ever have... and we're only in March. I have another to go to on Saturday.

I'm trying to plan another trip back to Europe. I really want to go again this year, but I know I won't be financially prepared to go back until late in 07. Probably try to go in September again... hit up Oktoberfest... again. This time I'm paying the extra and staing in hotels. And using a suitcase rather than a backpack.

I want a vacation. Just to take a week off with no obligations. Seems like I've been very busy of late. Even on the weekends we are scheduled for most of the day. And if there is some spare time... there's laundry, or the apartment needs to be cleaned, or something will suddenly come up. And during the week I wake up, go to work, come home, make/get something for dinner, and go to bed. I probably have 3 hours between the time I normally get home and the time I should go to bed. I could stay up later I suppose, but I get cranky (and unproductive if I don't get enough sleep). I want to lie in bed and watch movies for a day.